Yuk Bon

Another year coming around. I find myself re-evaluating all the shit, good and bad, come my way. I’m doing OK, I guess. There are some causes for sadness, but overall, I can’t complain too hard, really. I enjoy my new job, and despite the death of Vic (or maybe because of?) I am learning more and doing different things, which is something I wanted when I left the old joint. Had Indian for lunch earlier with the dudes from Ye Olde Jobbe and they are in misery full-force. Which sucks. That whole environment is like a kid trying too hard; they want to be a business/enterprise instead of educational/medical — or maybe they think they should be? — and they’re just stressing the wrong things. Be a hardass about what you expect, don’t be a hardass about vanity or chain of command or other bullshit pipe dreams about how to show that the proverbial dick is bigger than the other dudes’. On the bright side, in about 5 to 10 years time, it’s going to be SUCH a premier environment (reputation-wise, for their care and tech etc…workwise, meh…too soon to say and things are too fast-moving to be able to pin down.) Relationship stuff’s worked out, really. Interpersonal drama-llama visits have been avoided. Old friends come back, Eden’s back and I will hopefully soonish find myself making some music with Bunny. I find myself thinking of Cass, wondering if she’s doing OK. My phone calls and emails to her are infrequent and I think awkward for her. I’m hoping this is why she doesn’t reply to emails. I switched back to winamp for playing music (itunes for the ipod still, but winamp is still awesomer) and the queen cover comes up at the oddest fucking moments. Still, she was awesome and that was aside from having the most amazing tits ever. Skeeter’s still pissed at me, but since she won’t answer or pick up, I just leave “wishing you the best” messages every 6 months or so. Mils is here today and gone tomorrow, back with the ex she always will have a spot for, which is kinda good, really. Sun’s comin’ from the tx, and i will be going to tx come august and maybe san fran or canada in the winter? I dunno. The old man’s gonna have multiple surgeries done at once but is putting it off until my sister gives birth, I guess in case he dies. I try not to think about it. Maybe let the vacousness of television numb it down; dr who greys anatomy dexter futurama cooking shows. Some days it’s just so much and some days you just relish in jumping into the fray, you know?

in which Sterling provides an apt summary:
“I consider it my personal Vietnam. If I had gone in and struck hard and fast and all in one go, none of that shit would have gone down. But because I didn’t, because I took it slow, I sabotaged myself. And I think it was because [removed].”
“…So you consider it all your fault?”
“Yes.”
“And none of it would have happened and [removed] would still be friends with [removed].”
“That’s what I’m saying.”
“Wow, that’s a lot of guilt.”

in which Laura considers the possibility that there may be a better way to handle situations
Laura: so, he is right. we do need more time. though i think he went about it totally wrong. but, i do realize he doesnt have the emotional capability/tact that i hhave
(erm, maybe i dont always hav tact)
David: like when you laughed at [laura's ex-boyfriend]‘s naked erection?
Laura: yes
David: some people might say that was …. less than fully tactful

in which Little Trouble Girl summarizes her complex love life:
“So I’m going to see my husband in the hospital, but I stopped by to have lunch with my boyfriend — that I’m not having sex with because he’s married — to tell him about how I didn’t get laid last night with my coworker/crush because he couldn’t get it hard despite a long blowjob and to complain about how my fuckbuddy just left for [unnamed country] which is good because we might be developing feelings for each other. Which would be bad.”

in which i make an ass of myself at a party:
“dude i was in college when you were still sucking your momma’s dick!”
“you know my mom’s dead, right?”

title courtesy of The Bird and The Bee’s “fucking boyfriend”, which song was what was playing on the CD that I gave Little Trouble Girl after her romantic misadventure with her puppy-love/co-worker person thing when she was driving to work and ran into (figuratively) said puppy-love/coworker. Like some shit out of a John Hughes movie or something.

speaking to squirt yesterday she drops “you know the reason i never liked you romantically 12 years ago when we met was because when i asked what you looked like you were so negative that it killed it”. i cock-blocked myself. I bummed about this on several levels.

got mail from skeeter’s man that her kid (#2) had been born, with attendant pictures. They both look glowingly happy, her in particular but that might be a mix between relief and happy and tiredness. The amusing thing is on friday I wanted to call her and in fact got as far as dialing but she’s still mad at me (justafiably, i’m a sellout although i take issue with her iron-gripped resentimiento, i’m guilty of the same thing so i can’t really complain about that too hard.) and probably would not have answered but I never got to follow up and call again. Too much of that is annoying, especially when someone is pointedly not answering. But WWu mails occasionally, and I hear things on the grapevine de rato en rato so I guess it’s ok.

It’s hardly news that I am horrible about checking my messages. So yesterday I finally check my voicemail at work — I haven’t checked it since December, easily. There’s a familiar number but I can’t place it. Victor, telling me to fix the fucking LDAP lookups about two weeks before he died.

Vic’s gone, heart attack at 35 on Sunday night/Monday morning I guess. Met his folks, the wake was really hardcore. “You were his friends to the end”, the body didn’t look like him at all but made it more real to me, it’s stopped feeling like a bad joke all the time, like the most ridiculous thing that he’s gone, forever.

Today, I talked to a friend, didn’t get to finish my soup, got to listen to schlocky rock (or jazz? I don’t know, bruce hornsby is very jazz-lite, but then again he’s done rock too), went to miami beach despite boat show traffic, avoided getting scammed, walked on the beach and got new shoes wet in the surf, saw a wedding i was not a party to, made excellent falafel (hint: before you roll them into balls/patties, drop chopped cilantro/dill and a wee bit of hot sauce into the dough/mix. also, if you fry at medium-low heat they take longer but dry out less,) and had a heavier-than-i-would-have-liked mediterranean dinner (falafel, tzaziki, stuffed grape leaves, flatbread, kaseri cheese). finish the day off by noticing that i never filled out my valentine’s card i bought the mrs so spent 15 minutes on something that will make her smile in the morning.

Listened to a lot of Sufjan Stevens today — picked up The Avalanche on a whim at a used CD store (yeah, I still buy CDs, I’m all quaint) and was blown away. Bought Illinoise just for Casimir Pulaski Day but am enjoying other songs on there. The Avalanche CD is more enjoyable at the moment though; the three versions of Chicago, the supercomputer song, it’s all jawsome!great. I even went and learned me some guiterchords for ‘em.

I don’t know. This at home, in the heart, complex and annoying. Feeling …not broken, but pathetic, bathetic. Sterling’s preggers, Sun’s home, Avery is huge, my mother thinks I hate her or I’m a jerk, I don’t really know anymore. hot sub w/ sun earlier. she’s way cool and outta all the girls probably the one I am most comfortable with. I love taitai and meimei and sterling, but sun’s a good mix of them all. i think in jan i will go with mills to get my tattoo. she’s gotta decide what she wants though…I’m getting a new tele tomorrow, I hope. I am giving the SG to Mei-mei to fuck with, the pickguard to either sun or tai-tai. new guitars are funfunfun, always leads you somewhere else, like a new girl or a new car or a new way home.

I have a dog now, he is cute and small and I am responsible for him. I hope to get a cat sooner rather than later; a jellicle for preference (gonna name her “Sally Pimienta”).

talked to eden like 4 or 5 times in the last week; things are rough on his end vis-a-vis V. which sucks, he’s had it rough sometimes. he was very sincere and sorry about getting out of touch with us all, said thanks for me trying to keep in touch with him since he didn’t know how to start things. he’s spoken to solo and bunny and will probably maybe this time come to miami. I dunno. Told me Mo’s living in O-town and they don’t really hang or speak. eden talks to mike now and again tho..

while moving I found some boxes with pictures. i feel distant from them, they don’t really touch me anymore…I don’t know how to feel about that.

good books: world war Z, that dylan bio I’m xmas’ing away, the last postsecret book mills gave me for xmas
good music: night ripper by girl talk — all samples…shit, it’s like “paul’s boutique” all over again; coil’s “the ape of naples” which i re-listened to because bunny hooked me up with coil bootlegs and i ran into an interview with sleazy from last year about all the shit since balance died…oh and the new fucking daft punk album is so fucking hot it glows

vignette: eden’s gf at the time lived on sunset, i go with him to hang, her gay friend says hello — i am broken and falldown ebcause of mo. i leave the party and go to his old pad with ron — rose was there even then — and tell him our friendship’s over. he tells rose that if it’s her fault…blahblahblah. i tell him it’s his fault, it’s about b but more about how he didn’t tell me. i leave and go back to the party. the girlfriend’s gay friend tells me my aura has changed color dramatically — from orange/red to green (or other way? I don’t remember the colors he said). I tell eden and tell him what happened.