Yuk Bon

This is the vegan version; the non-vegan version replaces the coconut milk with heavy cream.

You will need:

4 potatoes, diced
4 carrots, diced
6 onions, really fucking diced
4-6 garlic cloves, minced
1 lb bag of frozen peas
1 lb bag of frozen cauliflower
1 red pepper, diced
1 green pepper, diced
3 jalapenos, diced (optional: seeded)
1 tblsp salt
1/4 cup curry powder
1 tblspoon garam marsala
1/4 cup vegetable oil (avoid olive oil if you can help it)
ginger, minced into paste about 1 tblsp.
tomato sauce, 15-oz can
coconut milk, 15-oz can

Put the oil into pan, add medium heat; put onions into oil until tender (soft but not translucent) then add garlic and ginger. add salt, stir and wait 3 minutes for them to blend a bit. Dump in all the other veggies, tomato sauce, curry powder and garam marsala, stir. If it feels like there’s too little liquid in there, relax — the onion will sweat quite a bit out and the tomato sauce will help things get going. When you put in the coconut milk (at the end) you’ll get more liquid as well. Put your cauliflower and peas in the microwave and cook ‘em up. when they’re done, incorporate into the mixture and add coconut milk by 1/4 can until you get an orange-y yellow color. When the potato and carrots are fork-tender, you’re done. serve over rice and/or w/ naan. The coconut milk makes it a bit sweeter than you would perhaps expect, so take that into account when deciding how spicy you want it.

I cooked this for 24 (modified to: 10 potator, 6 carrots, 10 onions, 2 cans tomato, 1 whole can coconut, 24 cloves garlic, 1/2 c curry & oil and double the peppers) for a charity luncheon at work; looks like we cleared enough to get 3 or 4 kids’ cleft palates fixed for Christmas. Also, I burned my hand.

Today I was told that I am part of the problem. Thanks, Little Trouble Girl.

Got my mom a digital camera and made her dinner, camera was a smashing success and I am looking forward to many pictures of her dog, plants, buddhist temple and associated friends as well as family i don’t know. Dinner was also a smashing success — for her birthday I also made her dinner, which was my Porkchops Of The Gods except I accidentally threw in a bit too much hot pepper flakes, so she was kinda gun-shy about me cooking again. But, as I mentioned, I apparently have redeemed myself with: Keema

1 lb ground beef
2 bags peas, ~1000grams total
2 onions, diced
4-8 cloves of garlic, minced or sliced
1/4 of a very large tomato (or 1 small tomato) diced
1 jalapeño, seeded, minced
1 large heaping spoonful of curry powder
1 tsp garam marsala
1 tsp red curry powder
1 tsp red pepper
small bunch cilatro, chopped
1 spoonful ground ginger (or ginger paste, whatever)
1 tsp of olive oil
about a cup of water

oil a large pan, drop the onions into medium-low heat, toss in the garlic after a minute or two (ie, let the onions take a bit more heat than the garlic — garlic burns easier), toss in the tomato and jalapeño and ping everything with salt to sweat it. Once the onions are shiny but not translucent, get ‘em off the heat and onto a plate. Dump the meat in, when it’s getting towards brown, break it up and toss in the garam marsala, red curry and pepper flakes, then dump in the peas in. Stir in the water and let it simmer until the water evaporates out and add a bit more. Bring the onion mixture back in and toss in the ginger, half the cilantro while holding the other half as garnish. Let simmer, stirring to keep it from sticking, until the water’s evaporated again, say about 20-30 minutes total (you’re really waiting for the peas to cook and take the flavor of the rest of the juices in the pot).

Serve over rice, cous-cous or as I did, with a side of pan-seared flatbread and tzatziki, a tomato salad (got the rest of the hugegantic tomato and sliced it, salted it and balsamic-vinegared-it. For jollies I threw in mushroom gnocci as a side, but that was less than stellar with the mom. Protip: mixing the keema with the tzaziki made pure happiness happen in your mouth, I recommend it.

asides: portishead’s new album was good so I bought it. Listened to Bill Frissel’s “Gone, Just Like A Train” and it still is amazing. Modest Mouse in the car = rock out. Eden’s a jerk, I must steal his hat again.

eat me

You know, it wasn’t too bad. I had a day that was better than most. The whole desire-is-suffering sub-theme of Buddhism rings true. After all the angst of youth and loneliness blew away. Who knew?

SO, ANYWAY, like is says on the title of the post:

* 2 pork chops (steak or chicken works)
* 1/2 large onion (or 1 whole medium onion)
* 2 cloves garlic
* a bit of olive oil
* a fistful of cilantro (must be fresh)
* a palmful of dill (fresh or dry, fresh is better)
* two spoons of sour cream
* hot pepper to taste (dry is fine, fresh is better)
* 1/8 to 1/4 cup of barbecue sauce (nothing fancy; something vaguely spicy-sweet is fine. I used 2 leftover packets of sauce from Tony Roma’s. Don’t be picky.

oil into pan, fire under pan, chop the onion, put into pan and salt it a bit to sweat, mince the garlic and drop that in, rub the chops (or $MEAT if you prefer) with a bit of salt, pepper and whatever other spice you insist on. Slide them under the onions so they brown a bit. After about 10 minutes in medium heat, flip. After 5 minutes of that, put 1/8 cup of water (a splash, really) and the barbecue sauce in. Chop the cilantro, dill and pepper. Put in half the cilantro, all the dill and all the pepper. Let the meat simmer in the herb-sauce. Once the meat is cooked, take the meat out but leave the rest of the stuff in the pan and drop in the sour cream. Stir until you’ve got a yellow-orange color in there and then drop the rest of the cilantro. Stir to incorporate and pour over the $MEAT.

Suggested side: Rice w/ raisins and almond slivers, mashed potatoes with garlic and chives, green beans or peas, avocado slices with olive oil and salt.

I just heard, in quick succession:
Dylan trying to teach The Band “Po’ Lazarus” (it occured to me that po’ lazarus might be where part of the Stagolee mtyh gets it’s power),
the harry smith field recording of prisoners singing “po lazarus”,
dylan’s “goin’ to acapulco”
dylan’s “boots of spanish leather” (random cover from youtube: here…I have no idea who that is. actually, ignore that, here’s pix of dylan while the original plays: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTCFhS7IIgM)

I’m not – by any means – a huge dylan fanatic, but it occurs that the scorsese quote re: akira kurosawa about one being able to debate which works are Great and which are merely very very very good, would also apply to dylan’s songs.

I’m joining the RPM Challenge with Navel4Eve, here’s hoping it doesn’t suck. More info next month, wish me luck.

Yesterday, Vero called me up asking how I made my curry sauce (“uh, curry powder and sour cream. a little mayo if you want it tastier but that makes it fattier and greasier.”) and it reminded me that I have posted the recipe for my (world-famous) grilled cheese sammich before, but never here, so here it is:

get you:
3 cheeses — 2 slices of something white (say a meunster or swiss), 2 slices something yellow (cheddar or american) and about 3 spoonful’s worth of feta (bleu works too).
bread — sliced, i recommend rye.
1 tomato slice, 1/2″ thick (can be replaced by onion)
butter
1 clove garlic
2 spoon’s worth of olive oil
optional: bacon, olives, mushrooms.

butter a slice of bread, drop half a spoonful of butter in a pan with 1 spoonful of olive oil, coat the bottom of the pan and then put the bread in it. medium-low heat — you’re gonna be here a while. put the meunster on the bread. get your tomato slice and poke out the slimy shit in it (seeds pulp etc) so that you have a tomato-spoke. lay on the muenster cheese and fill the empty tomato spokes with the feta. put the slices of cheddar on top of that. lay the other slice of bread on top and butter it. to ensure the cooking side doesn’t stick, shake the pan and the weight of the sandwich should shift it. while you wait for it to brown, take your garlic and slice it thin like you’ve been watchin’ goodfellas too much. flip yr sammich and press some of the garlic slices into the bread. while the raw side cooks, wait. sing a song or something. when it’s done, flip (so the garlic on top caramelizes a bit) and press the garlic slices that are left into the bread. drizzle half a teaspoon of olive oil on top and flip again, drizzle the oil that remains and serve. wait at least a minute before cutting it or you’re gonna get cheese soup. Which is hard to eat inside a sandwich.

you can replace (or augment) the feta with olives (or olive tapenade,) mushrooms and/or bacon.

If you made it right, it’s about an inch and a half thick, and a fucking hearty brick to keep your gut happy.

you want the tomato slice to be thick — about 1/2″ or so — so that the tomato itself doesn’t get hot. the cheese next to the bread will melt the feta, but if the tomato’s thick, it won’t cook very much and you will therefore have an island of cool, refreshing vegetable in a sea of molten deliciousness.

If you see below, you’ll see the last two days I have had bizarre and unusual dreams. (Bizarre: STD? wtfbbqaolnet. unusual: a sadness dream). and so the last two days I have had cheese about an hour before sleep; brie and some french thing on the 17th and feta on the 18th.

So it turns out that different cheeses give you different dreams.

85% of females who ate Stilton had some of the most unusual dreams of the whole study. 65% of people eating Cheddar dreamt about celebrities, over 65% of participants eating Red Leicester revisited their schooldays, all female participants who ate British Brie had nice relaxing dreams whereas male participants had cryptic dreams, two thirds of all those who ate Lancashire had a dream about work and over half of Cheshire eaters had a dreamless sleep.

I think I’m going to try the brie and manchego tonight.

Speaking of food, I have fixed my tzatziki recipe for non-suckyness.

To wit, you will need:
1 container of greek yogurt*
1 container of sour cream
1 cucumber, large, seeded and chopped (or grated) however you like it. peeling optional.
4 cloves of garlic, minced (or chopped)
6 leaves of mint, rolled into a tube and chopped into tiny shreds
a sprig of dill, chopped into nothingness as well
1/2 teaspoon of lemon juice
pepper to taste

*regular plain yogurt strained in a cloth will work if you can’t get the greek stuff. strain for at least an hour, you want the consistency of the sour cream, so a fair amount of liquid needs to leave the yogurt.

mix all the non-cream stuff, mix the yogurt and cream, then mix the two mixes together. store and chill while you toast some flatbread (or pita) in the oven (or on the grill).

works well with falafel (quick and dirty: 1 can garbanzos, an onion and spices you like — grind together in a blender with a slice of white bread (or flour if you’ve got) until it’s a paste. add a bit of olive oil if you need to moisten it a bit. form into balls with two spoons and then fry. et viola.)

Inspired by Jimbo’s recent recipe, here’s my recipe for chicken tikka masala.

you will need:
1lb chicken (2 large or 3 small breasts should be around right)
1Tablespoon olive oil
3 cloves garlic
1 small onion or 1/2 large onion
1 spoonful of garam marsala
1/4 cup curry powder
1/8 cup chili powder
1 large can of crushed tomatoes
1/2 stick butter
1/2 cup heavy cream
3/4 cup cottage cheese
1 cup basmati rice
4 or 5 sprigs of mint (or raisins and almond slivers)

heat the olive oil, crush and slice the garlic and sautee it. Once half-done at very low heat, throw in the sliced and chopped onion, throw in a pinch of salt and the butter. While it melts, cube the chicken breasts and toss them in the garam marsala and then into the pan. Cook all thoroughly.

When the chicken’s done, toss in the curry and chili powders and stir until they’re incorporated. Pour in the tomatoes and let the mix heat up again, then include the cream and cottage cheese. Leave simmering at medium-low heat while you prepare the rice, which is stupid easy:
rice and water in a covered bowl in the microwave at full power for 5 mins, then half-power for 10 minutes. Let it sit 5 mins while you chop up the mint, which you will incorporate into the rice while fluffing with fork. (substitute golden raisins and almond slivers if you don’t like minty rice).

Serve the tikka masala on the rice. Consider buying some naan bread. Serves at least 4.