linkspam collected:

Everyone needs the wisdom of the James Lipton Beard.

He does, you know.

WWJD? cap santa in mouf, apparently. Or possibly threaten the welfare and aid given to the poor and helpless because he really hates fags, apparently.

The axle-grind that can be explained is not the true axle-grind

Guerrilla Handbell Strikeforce

So recently there was all this brou-ha-ha over weird spiral lights in the atmosphere over Norway, people on the web freaking out about how it was aliens or the fucked environment or Jesus or the Flying Spaghetti Monster reaching His Noodly Appendage out or whatever. Turns out it’s just Russians shooting missiles from nuclear subs, nothing to worry about. Wait, what?

Big Rock star gives unknown underground rock band some cred by singing one of their little indie songs with them.

The best cafe ever.

seriously? does no one in the pentagon watch movies? who thinks “zombies?! what a great idea!” and stamps “OK” on this memo?

The reason the internet has video

McNuggetini – “meat garnish!”

Maneki Neko, a short story by Bruce Sterling.

If you’re honest with yourself, you know you always thought it happened exactly like this

excellent blogs:

• Letters of Note, “Correspondence deserving of a wider audience”; example: So it goes (Kurt Vonnegut Jr writes to Sr on the occasion of surviving the firebombing of Dresden).
• Contrariwise, “Literary Tattoos”; example: “I shall not live in vain”,  “hope is the thing with feathers”
• My Parents Were Awesome

And tonight’s nightmare menu, featuring:

• Creepy yoga dude with rasta rooster
• AAAAAHHHHHHHH

fuck you for shitting on the constitution you fucking fuck: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/27/washington/27cnd-gonzales.html

actually kind of catchy http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1765963

not what you think: http://www.cooterfestival.com/

http://www.guinness.com/a/img/craic/downloads/wallpaper/1024×768/dreamclubSq1024.jpg

minotaur having a breakdown in a public bathroom: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TssuSYrxVI very creepy and yet full of pathos. Also, hey, Einsturzende Neubaten that has melody, instead of dudes hitting shopping carts with rebar.

Some friends of mine recently won an award for a film they put together for MOCA (Museum of Contemporary Art, for you philistines). See the very short film at http://uvu.channel2.org/PublicSite/Video.aspx?id=805&skin=5

An idea whose time has come: Wiki Cookbooks http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Cookbook:Table_of_Contents admittedly, not as good as abuelita’s cooking, but hey, something’s better than nothing.

I know it makes me a bad person, but I can’t help but laugh at http://www.10dailythings.com/2007/08/15/guinea-pigs-fighting-for-a-cucumber/

…and the moral of the story is: don’t get bare with bears with beer. http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/08/20/bear.death.reut/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

if you’re any kind of artist or creative person, you should see the potential in this: http://www.tdbspecialprojects.com/

Here is a picture of a tiger feeding piglets. I am attaching it specifically for Silvia, because I said I would. I don’t remember why, but well, there it is.

I don’t know, but it looks freaky: http://defamer.com/hollywood/psychedelic-hobbits/elijah-wood-and-friends-happy-to-inform-you-the-drugs-are-working-291475.php

make your own non-newtownian fluid: http://www.gogglemarks.net/index.php?action=project&id=4
…wait, you don’t know what a non-newtownian fluid is? see http://youtube.com/watch?v=f2XQ97XHjVw or http://youtube.com/watch?v=lDzampa3xrc or creepiest of all: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WTCkVh9CWT8

origami for asthmatic kids: http://www.changemakers.net/en-us/node/1389

You may have seen it already, but god, it just hurts to watch someone be this stupid in public: “Well I believe that US Americans can’t, um, do that, find America on a map, because, I believe, some people don’t have maps, and, our education, like South Africa – and countries in Asia – we should help them. South Africa and those Asian countries, we should help educate them.” — Miss Teen USA 2007, South Carolina http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQdhMSEqhfg

The sad part is that they really live for the tango: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070615/ap_on_re_eu/bulgaria_dancing_bears_2

Man, Disney’s really stretching the copyright on Mickey….http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2007/06/15/mickey_arc.html?category=archaeology&guid=20070615090000&dcitc=w19-502-ak-0000

I know I sent this out before, but it’s still funny, and who doesn’t love smoking horses? http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2457332

Well, as long as we’re talking smoking horses, let’s talk about eating dinosaurs: http://news.wired.com/dynamic/stories/C/CHINA_DINOSAUR_MEDICINE?SITE=WIRE&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

I have of late been fascinated by Nikola Tesla. Among other things, he liked electricity enough to invent the alternating current. And the Tesla Coil, which even if you don’t know what that is, you’ve seen in countless shitty horror movies. See a musical tesla coil: http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=23904 Speaking of weirdo scientists, isaac newton: genius or religious crank? http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/06/18/newton.papers.ap/index.html?eref=rss_topstories on the one hand, the man invented calculus and just by thinking, explained the basic language of nature and the universe. on the other hand, he once put a sewing needle between his eyeball and his skull and moved it around a lot, just to see what would happen (he was experimenting with the effect that distortion of the ocular globe would have on vision, but still). This would be after he spent three days in a black room for having stared at the sun for a hour. Again, just to see what would happen.

Bubba nosferatu and the curse of the she-vampires is being made: http://imdb.com/title/tt0457295/ This is a prequel to the movie “Bubba Ho-Tep”. Brief summary of Bubba Hotep: The real Elvis gets tired of the hoopla about being The King. So he (The real Elvis Aaron Presley,) hires an Elvis impersonator to play him and he goes and does Elvis tribute shows, getting to “rock out” without being mobbed for being Elvis. Except the next week his impersonator is the dude who dies on the toilet. And the real Elvis continues his merry life of “playing” Elvis and getting to be a musician. Except he falls off a stage and hits his head and winds up in a coma. For 20 years. When he wakes up, he’s in a nursing home sharing a room with a black dude who says he’s John F. Kennedy — the CIA gave him a brain transplant into a black guy so no one’d believe him, and packed the missing brain area with sand. Circumstances being what they are, a mummy ends up loose in the nursing home, stalking the old people (which makes sense, where else could a mummy pose a threat? Mummies stumble slowly, but it’s not like old people can run fast.) ANYWAY, Bubba Nosferatu and the Curse of the She-Vampires is a prequel, wherein Elvis fights vampires. Did I mention that Bruce Campbell plays Elvis? Cos he does: http://www.imdb.com/gallery/granitz/1494/Events/1494/BruceCampb_Vespa_609180_400.jpg?path=gallery&path_key=0281686

http://marriedtothesea.com/ is a web-comic made of old pictures from woodcuts etc. It’s great. I am very fond of http://www.marriedtothesea.com/051606/nutz.gif but they’re all pretty funny.

I have trouble sleeping sometimes….if you do too, you might like: http://ririanproject.com/2007/06/21/how-to-sleep-more-effectively-starting-tonight/

HIV taken out of live cells: http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?articleID=737AB56E-E7F2-99DF-382B756D1860EACA&chanID=sa003 as in, the cells were infected, then they snipped the HIV outta the cells. Whoa. Wait until they cure HIV/AIDS. Mark my words: there will be fucking in the streets.

phernomones cause brain cell growth: http://www.cbc.ca/canada/calgary/story/2007/07/02/cal-pheromones.html?ref=rss So the next time your certain someone acts stupid, get ‘em to smell your sweat. Sometimes the jokes just write themselves, folks.

Household tips: http://www.power-yoga.com/Community/KitchenTips/tabid/159/mid/520/dnnprintmode/true/Default.aspx

hey, new list for the wonders of the modern world: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070705/ap_on_re_eu/new_seven_wonders_glance_1 (cos the 7 wonders of the ancient world mostly don’t exist anymore. except the pyramids at giza and it’s not like they’re in that good shape…)

The discovery of molecular receptors totally revolutionized medicine; it’s made it possible to “aim” a particular drug at a particular cell-type’s receptors and be reasonably sure you’re going to affect that cell type and not the whole body. (aside: if you don’t think this is close to magic, consider that the other option is to basically hit a mosquito with a cannon. c.f. treating cancer with radiation and chemotherapy.) So it’s good news that a new type snail venom (no, I’m not kidding,) has been found that does very specific targeting: http://science.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=07/07/14/1654244 But that’s not why I’m writing all of this shit down. No no no no no no. I’m telling you all this just so that I can link you to a very short video clip of one of these snails attacking, stunning and eating a fish: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2213559523134687406&q=cone+snail&total=35&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=5

last link for the hypochondriacs in da house: http://symptoms.webmd.com/symptomchecker

So THAT’s what I’ve been doing wrong: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18914479/?GT1=9951

Laugh, it’s good for you: http://picks.yahoo.com/picks/i/20070531.html

Clothing. Made of condoms. http://pileofphotos.com/view/78/Clothes_made_of_condoms

Politically, I’m not so much FOR the democratic party as I am AGAINST the republican party. In that spirit, please read Matt Taibi’s latest article, which is a FUCK YOU to both democratic and republican parties: http://www.alternet.org/columnists/story/51687/

Jesus Christ Supershark: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=10470057

I am a prankster. I appreciate the art behind it. I have to rein that in though, because I tend to just go straight for OH MY FUCKING GOD levels of revenge. But let’s witness someone else’s prank: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9Xw_b3HeUY ah, butter on the floor. a true classic. simple and cheap.

Who knows, this shit might come in handy one day: http://www.thehumanaught.com/blog/2006/07/09/how-to-spot-a-jap/

I am seriously considering going to Wisconsin JUST to see this: http://www.roadsideamerica.com/attract/WIBARforever.html

Hey, yeah, memorial day, right: http://www.chattanoogan.com/articles/article_108083.asp Personally, my old man was in Vietnam, and he threatened to lock me in a loony bin if I ever joined the Armed Forces. Hey, who am I to disagree?

TETRIS ice cubes: http://www.instructables.com/id/EFGVY0RF22FIBN6/?ALLSTEPS

Make your own Pinocchio: http://puppetbuilding.com/marionettes/how-to-make-a-pinocchio-marionette.html

Pictures on your wrist: http://www.instructables.com/id/E5E87VOF2AX8PNT/?ALLSTEPS

Hey, that’s a neat sculpture: http://cre.ations.net/creation/stuff-i-do

Wow, chili sauce: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18948833?GT1=9951

DIE, YOU FUCKING FUCK http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070531/ap_on_hi_te/spam_arrest_10

And to finish, first an explanation of LOLCAT from the venerable WikiPedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lolcats
and now that you know what LOLCAT is, please to be enjoying the LOLCAT site du jour: http://icanhascheezburger.com/

15 reasons Mr Rogers rocked: http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/5943

spidercat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rA97bT8WMSs&

hey, don’t get lost: http://strangemaps.wordpress.com/

The subject is a quote from Kurt Vonnegut’s “Goodbye Mr Rosewater”. Vonnegut died this week and if you’re not familiar with his writing, your life is sadder for it. You’ve seen back to school, the Rodney Dangerfield 80′s piece of shit movie? Remember when he hires a guy to write a term paper about Kurt Vonnegut and the professor says “whoever wrote this paper doesn’t know anything about Kurt Vonnegut” ? The dude who Dangerfield hires to write the paper — that’s Kurt Vonnegut.

So last week I spoke to my lawyer/guitarist friend and it turns out that he and his wife are so freaked out about pet food killing their dogs that she’s taken to cooking food for them and giving him dogfood. I’ll miss you bro — can I have your guitars? Turns out that making your own pet food is perhaps not that hard: http://www.heraldnet.com/stories/07/03/31/100loc_a8petmeals001.cfm

I found that last link at the ever-”oh-neat!”-inducing site, http://www.lifehacker.com/

Incredibly funny and horrifying at the same time: http://www.theonion.com/content/video/panda_demands_abortion(no it’s not true, it’s satire damn it. i know someone that I’ll email this to will need that explained.)

dumbest legal battle ever: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070403/ap_on_fe_st/baby_metallica_6

saddest kermit ever (also a must-see for Nine Inch Nails fans, this means you Robert): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLQRv0RjBBM

Getting off a government watch list: http://www.wired.com/politics/onlinerights/news/2007/04/watchlist2

“NATURE IS A LANGUAGE CAN’T YOU READ?”, or Continuing a theme, part deux: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFyXk7O419o
(part one is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGNN2L-Wh5I)

If you like postsecret (http://postsecret.blogspot.com/ if you don’t know what I’m talking about) then you maybe wanna hit up the live expo here in miami .. http://www.charleeprogram.org/news_detail.cfm?news_id=9

This goes to my neo-hippie peeps (you know who you are,) : http://www.hippy.com/php/article-243.html

Better brains through science: http://www.popsci.com/popsci/science/0e54d952c97b1110vgnvcm1000004eecbccdrcrd.html

And I’ll leave you with a bad joke: what do vegeterian zombies crave? GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINNSSSS…..

ok, so you may or may not have seen michel gondry’s “the science of sleep” (i haven’t, but i hear it’s good. i recommend the “director’s series” compilation DVD though.) but he’s done a bunch of music videos that are really bizarre and imaginative (bjork, beck, etc — to give you a taste, here’s a Cibo Matto vid: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPJ9TS_5tAo ). the man’s a visual poet of very high caliber, just take my word for it. but that’s not why i bring Michel Gondry up. I bring him up for cheap comedy; to wit:

see michel gondry solve a rubik’s cube with his feet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiQXgmVVGNA

ok, but where’s the art in that? here’s how he did it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaVsaWjzsds

and then again, here’s michel gondry solving a rubik’s cube WITH HIS NOSE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB8XedMowDU

really really great for decorating an office: http://www.blockposters.com/(upload a picture, tell it how many pages wide and viola, printable poster)

genius, but you know it’s gonna suck when you’re juuuuuust running out: http://www.gizmag.com/go/6534/

the empire doesn’t pay like it used to: http://www.cinematical.com/2007/03/03/darth-vader-commits-armed-robbery-in-north-carolina

also really great (but weird) art: http://www.funforever.net/archives/category/cool/

I can’t stop listening to this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_xVDaDJqWs — no wait i meant http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-K4CXvxNcw

Godspeed! You Black Emperor’s “The Dead Flag Blues” in video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cS2BrxcWWZA (cf GYBE! live: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUQEJpLm2DA “world police / friendly fire”)

am forgetful. i seriously have not spoken to people for months because i just forget to call them back. http://www.hassleme.co.uk/ might help you if you’re like me.

a cellphone that biodegrades and sprouts flowers: http://www.24hourmuseum.org.uk/nwh_gfx_en/ART35325.html

sleep, it’s good for your brain: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/technology/technology.html?in_article_id=437683&in_page_id=1965http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2007-02/uoa-oit022307.phpin other news, the sky is blue, water is wet, pope is still catholic and 99% of bears still shit in the woods.

lego, for when you’re just too damn lazy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTsXlTKaFq0