Guess who’s back? Tell a friend, tell a friend, tell a friend

2009.02.26

It’s the return of the giant link-list email newsletter thing, now consolidated into a blog post for yourmy convenience. Would anyone be interested in an occasional mix-CD?

Bacon. A food so delicious that the bible forbids it. Sin with me: bacon cupcakes, Mike Nelson of Mystery Science Theater 3000 commits suicide by bacon, bacon explosion, get that bacon out of your teeth with bacon floss, chocolate bacon and the coup de bacon, candied bacon ice cream

File under “and people say I’m hard to shop for”: happy vagina t-shirts, aquarium toilet, check out the speakers on her, vagina perfume

File under “like goldy, but with iron”: Catholic church needs to read the bible more, apparently

Questions are a burden to others, answers a prison for oneself: http://www.cliqueclack.com/tv/2009/01/07/the-prisoner-is-free-and-online/

Science! It works, bitches! : Tattoo changes color with glucose levels.

Rob wants to give you a high five!

So…about that salmonella peanut butter: bird shit.

Freebase caffeine

There are no words for Starfish hitler

Science makes a mermaid.

vegan vegetable korma

2008.11.20

This is the vegan version; the non-vegan version replaces the coconut milk with heavy cream.

You will need:

4 potatoes, diced
4 carrots, diced
6 onions, really fucking diced
4-6 garlic cloves, minced
1 lb bag of frozen peas
1 lb bag of frozen cauliflower
1 red pepper, diced
1 green pepper, diced
3 jalapenos, diced (optional: seeded)
1 tblsp salt
1/4 cup curry powder
1 tblspoon garam marsala
1/4 cup vegetable oil (avoid olive oil if you can help it)
ginger, minced into paste about 1 tblsp.
tomato sauce, 15-oz can
coconut milk, 15-oz can

Put the oil into pan, add medium heat; put onions into oil until tender (soft but not translucent) then add garlic and ginger. add salt, stir and wait 3 minutes for them to blend a bit. Dump in all the other veggies, tomato sauce, curry powder and garam marsala, stir. If it feels like there’s too little liquid in there, relax — the onion will sweat quite a bit out and the tomato sauce will help things get going. When you put in the coconut milk (at the end) you’ll get more liquid as well. Put your cauliflower and peas in the microwave and cook ’em up. when they’re done, incorporate into the mixture and add coconut milk by 1/4 can until you get an orange-y yellow color. When the potato and carrots are fork-tender, you’re done. serve over rice and/or w/ naan. The coconut milk makes it a bit sweeter than you would perhaps expect, so take that into account when deciding how spicy you want it.

I cooked this for 24 (modified to: 10 potator, 6 carrots, 10 onions, 2 cans tomato, 1 whole can coconut, 24 cloves garlic, 1/2 c curry & oil and double the peppers) for a charity luncheon at work; looks like we cleared enough to get 3 or 4 kids’ cleft palates fixed for Christmas. Also, I burned my hand.

words of advice for young people

2008.06.11

I just sneezed. I was eating potato salad. If you have never tried to sneeze while chewing potato salad, I recommend that you avoid finding out what this is like. I now have potato salad in my sinuses.

It honestly was beautifully done…

2008.05.11

Today I was told that I am part of the problem. Thanks, Little Trouble Girl.

Got my mom a digital camera and made her dinner, camera was a smashing success and I am looking forward to many pictures of her dog, plants, buddhist temple and associated friends as well as family i don’t know. Dinner was also a smashing success — for her birthday I also made her dinner, which was my Porkchops Of The Gods except I accidentally threw in a bit too much hot pepper flakes, so she was kinda gun-shy about me cooking again. But, as I mentioned, I apparently have redeemed myself with: Keema

1 lb ground beef
2 bags peas, ~1000grams total
2 onions, diced
4-8 cloves of garlic, minced or sliced
1/4 of a very large tomato (or 1 small tomato) diced
1 jalapeño, seeded, minced
1 large heaping spoonful of curry powder
1 tsp garam marsala
1 tsp red curry powder
1 tsp red pepper
small bunch cilatro, chopped
1 spoonful ground ginger (or ginger paste, whatever)
1 tsp of olive oil
about a cup of water

oil a large pan, drop the onions into medium-low heat, toss in the garlic after a minute or two (ie, let the onions take a bit more heat than the garlic — garlic burns easier), toss in the tomato and jalapeño and ping everything with salt to sweat it. Once the onions are shiny but not translucent, get ’em off the heat and onto a plate. Dump the meat in, when it’s getting towards brown, break it up and toss in the garam marsala, red curry and pepper flakes, then dump in the peas in. Stir in the water and let it simmer until the water evaporates out and add a bit more. Bring the onion mixture back in and toss in the ginger, half the cilantro while holding the other half as garnish. Let simmer, stirring to keep it from sticking, until the water’s evaporated again, say about 20-30 minutes total (you’re really waiting for the peas to cook and take the flavor of the rest of the juices in the pot).

Serve over rice, cous-cous or as I did, with a side of pan-seared flatbread and tzatziki, a tomato salad (got the rest of the hugegantic tomato and sliced it, salted it and balsamic-vinegared-it. For jollies I threw in mushroom gnocci as a side, but that was less than stellar with the mom. Protip: mixing the keema with the tzaziki made pure happiness happen in your mouth, I recommend it.

asides: portishead’s new album was good so I bought it. Listened to Bill Frissel’s “Gone, Just Like A Train” and it still is amazing. Modest Mouse in the car = rock out. Eden’s a jerk, I must steal his hat again.

Categories : ethics  food  holiday:mother's day  music  recipe

I made mistakes in my life, all things go, all things go

2008.02.16

Today, I talked to a friend, didn’t get to finish my soup, got to listen to schlocky rock (or jazz? I don’t know, bruce hornsby is very jazz-lite, but then again he’s done rock too), went to miami beach despite boat show traffic, avoided getting scammed, walked on the beach and got new shoes wet in the surf, saw a wedding i was not a party to, made excellent falafel (hint: before you roll them into balls/patties, drop chopped cilantro/dill and a wee bit of hot sauce into the dough/mix. also, if you fry at medium-low heat they take longer but dry out less,) and had a heavier-than-i-would-have-liked mediterranean dinner (falafel, tzaziki, stuffed grape leaves, flatbread, kaseri cheese). finish the day off by noticing that i never filled out my valentine’s card i bought the mrs so spent 15 minutes on something that will make her smile in the morning.

Listened to a lot of Sufjan Stevens today — picked up The Avalanche on a whim at a used CD store (yeah, I still buy CDs, I’m all quaint) and was blown away. Bought Illinoise just for Casimir Pulaski Day but am enjoying other songs on there. The Avalanche CD is more enjoyable at the moment though; the three versions of Chicago, the supercomputer song, it’s all jawsome!great. I even went and learned me some guiterchords for ’em.

GBBVD, 2008. Porkchops of the gods.

2008.02.15
porkchop of the gods, asparagus, rice, avocado

eat me

You know, it wasn’t too bad. I had a day that was better than most. The whole desire-is-suffering sub-theme of Buddhism rings true. After all the angst of youth and loneliness blew away. Who knew?

SO, ANYWAY, like is says on the title of the post:

* 2 pork chops (steak or chicken works)
* 1/2 large onion (or 1 whole medium onion)
* 2 cloves garlic
* a bit of olive oil
* a fistful of cilantro (must be fresh)
* a palmful of dill (fresh or dry, fresh is better)
* two spoons of sour cream
* hot pepper to taste (dry is fine, fresh is better)
* 1/8 to 1/4 cup of barbecue sauce (nothing fancy; something vaguely spicy-sweet is fine. I used 2 leftover packets of sauce from Tony Roma’s. Don’t be picky.

oil into pan, fire under pan, chop the onion, put into pan and salt it a bit to sweat, mince the garlic and drop that in, rub the chops (or $MEAT if you prefer) with a bit of salt, pepper and whatever other spice you insist on. Slide them under the onions so they brown a bit. After about 10 minutes in medium heat, flip. After 5 minutes of that, put 1/8 cup of water (a splash, really) and the barbecue sauce in. Chop the cilantro, dill and pepper. Put in half the cilantro, all the dill and all the pepper. Let the meat simmer in the herb-sauce. Once the meat is cooked, take the meat out but leave the rest of the stuff in the pan and drop in the sour cream. Stir until you’ve got a yellow-orange color in there and then drop the rest of the cilantro. Stir to incorporate and pour over the $MEAT.

Suggested side: Rice w/ raisins and almond slivers, mashed potatoes with garlic and chives, green beans or peas, avocado slices with olive oil and salt.

dreams and cheese

2008.01.18

If you see below, you’ll see the last two days I have had bizarre and unusual dreams. (Bizarre: STD? wtfbbqaolnet. unusual: a sadness dream). and so the last two days I have had cheese about an hour before sleep; brie and some french thing on the 17th and feta on the 18th.

So it turns out that different cheeses give you different dreams.

85% of females who ate Stilton had some of the most unusual dreams of the whole study. 65% of people eating Cheddar dreamt about celebrities, over 65% of participants eating Red Leicester revisited their schooldays, all female participants who ate British Brie had nice relaxing dreams whereas male participants had cryptic dreams, two thirds of all those who ate Lancashire had a dream about work and over half of Cheshire eaters had a dreamless sleep.

I think I’m going to try the brie and manchego tonight.

Speaking of food, I have fixed my tzatziki recipe for non-suckyness.

To wit, you will need:
1 container of greek yogurt*
1 container of sour cream
1 cucumber, large, seeded and chopped (or grated) however you like it. peeling optional.
4 cloves of garlic, minced (or chopped)
6 leaves of mint, rolled into a tube and chopped into tiny shreds
a sprig of dill, chopped into nothingness as well
1/2 teaspoon of lemon juice
pepper to taste

*regular plain yogurt strained in a cloth will work if you can’t get the greek stuff. strain for at least an hour, you want the consistency of the sour cream, so a fair amount of liquid needs to leave the yogurt.

mix all the non-cream stuff, mix the yogurt and cream, then mix the two mixes together. store and chill while you toast some flatbread (or pita) in the oven (or on the grill).

works well with falafel (quick and dirty: 1 can garbanzos, an onion and spices you like — grind together in a blender with a slice of white bread (or flour if you’ve got) until it’s a paste. add a bit of olive oil if you need to moisten it a bit. form into balls with two spoons and then fry. et viola.)

Categories : dream  food  recipe  wtf

new and last email thing, I guess.

2008.01.11

So the email thing I send out got two bounce-backs from AOL users (you know who you are). So I have decided to skip the emails and just put this shit up on a blog. Enjoy — or don’t, whatever. If you would like to see the other “mails” that I sent out (which they no longer are, I guess) and don’t want to go through your email, click on the “email newsletter thing” tag on the right hand side and that’ll take you to the other posts that I have labeled as such.

If you would still rather be emailed, let me know and I’ll set something automagic up for you or something enter your email address in the lower-right hand box for that sorta thing. It’s run by feedburner and I do not keep (or know) your email address, so I won’t be able to use it for anything.

The 6 Most Terrifying Foods in the World: http://www.cracked.com/article_14979_6-most-terrifying-foods-in-world.html
Seriously, it’s horrifying.

BEERTASTROPHE
http://www.flickr.com/photo_zoom.gne?id=2151717824&size=l

MightyMon found this and I will forever be thankful: http://www.japanesebugfights.com/

deep fried things that ought not to be deep fried: http://www.mirkocredito.com/FRITTURE2007/index.htm

porn on blu-ray signals the coffin nails for HD-DVD: http://www.t3.com/news/blu-ray-porn?=35064 — this is actually more prevalent than most people realize; the porn industry informally choosing VHS over BETAMAX is what signaled the death-knell for Beta, really. And it was the invention of online porn that led to the “common man” deeper into the interwebaolnetnet. Porn and tech advances go hand in hand, no matter how old the tech is.

I will give a special surprise gift to anyone who actually prints this out and sends me a picture of them wearing it: http://www.brandonbird.com/halloween_treat.html

Today’s cockle-warming story is not so much about heart-warming but actually about boob-cooling: http://loudounextra.washingtonpost.com/news/2008/jan/10/how-frozen-peas-started-movement/

I usually get my way by being the most patient motherfucker in the world, and if that doesn’t work then I am more of a prick, but I suppose this could be a useful way of dealing with annoying customer service: http://consumerist.com/341815/how-to-mind-control-customer-service-reps?source=rss

Lord of the Rings, if Tolkien had been diabetic: http://missedmanners.wordpress.com/2008/01/03/battle-of-pelennor-fields/

A game popular for centuries. http://www.exsorbeo.com/

thxgiving update

2007.11.23

vacation: sucked, I worked on the house and w/ the fam (jesus they are tireless)

work: I am a hero and an unsung rockstar of unprecedented caliber. we had a server — the one and only web server, the one that has hard drives that grriiiiiiiinnnnnddddd when they spin up and has therefore not been turned off for 5 years and then because of a power failure, and not been updated for about 10 years — have it’s PSU blow up and catch fire. despite this, I was able to get us working (hobbled, but hey) for the few days it took to get the machine repaired.

i bought a jawesome! map in a magnelephant frame at my dad’s neighbors’ moving out garage sale. my ex-landlord is in foreclosure and I picked up 3 GTA games for 30 bux.

this morning i dreamt that had gone to sleep late (i had) and got woken up by my cell and it was she calling to say there were things unsaid. i never got to hear them because the alarm went off.

chicken tikka masala with aromatic rice

2007.10.12

Inspired by Jimbo’s recent recipe, here’s my recipe for chicken tikka masala.

you will need:
1lb chicken (2 large or 3 small breasts should be around right)
1Tablespoon olive oil
3 cloves garlic
1 small onion or 1/2 large onion
1 spoonful of garam marsala
1/4 cup curry powder
1/8 cup chili powder
1 large can of crushed tomatoes
1/2 stick butter
1/2 cup heavy cream
3/4 cup cottage cheese
1 cup basmati rice
4 or 5 sprigs of mint (or raisins and almond slivers)

heat the olive oil, crush and slice the garlic and sautee it. Once half-done at very low heat, throw in the sliced and chopped onion, throw in a pinch of salt and the butter. While it melts, cube the chicken breasts and toss them in the garam marsala and then into the pan. Cook all thoroughly.

When the chicken’s done, toss in the curry and chili powders and stir until they’re incorporated. Pour in the tomatoes and let the mix heat up again, then include the cream and cottage cheese. Leave simmering at medium-low heat while you prepare the rice, which is stupid easy:
rice and water in a covered bowl in the microwave at full power for 5 mins, then half-power for 10 minutes. Let it sit 5 mins while you chop up the mint, which you will incorporate into the rice while fluffing with fork. (substitute golden raisins and almond slivers if you don’t like minty rice).

Serve the tikka masala on the rice. Consider buying some naan bread. Serves at least 4.

Categories : food  recipe