Yuk Bon

I have noticed that I’m spamming bullshit links on facebook instead of here, so let’s fix that;

linkspam collected:

Everyone needs the wisdom of the James Lipton Beard.

He does, you know.

WWJD? cap santa in mouf, apparently. Or possibly threaten the welfare and aid given to the poor and helpless because he really hates fags, apparently.

The axle-grind that can be explained is not the true axle-grind

Guerrilla Handbell Strikeforce

So recently there was all this brou-ha-ha over weird spiral lights in the atmosphere over Norway, people on the web freaking out about how it was aliens or the fucked environment or Jesus or the Flying Spaghetti Monster reaching His Noodly Appendage out or whatever. Turns out it’s just Russians shooting missiles from nuclear subs, nothing to worry about. Wait, what?

Big Rock star gives unknown underground rock band some cred by singing one of their little indie songs with them.

The best cafe ever.

seriously? does no one in the pentagon watch movies? who thinks “zombies?! what a great idea!” and stamps “OK” on this memo?

The reason the internet has video

McNuggetini – “meat garnish!”

Maneki Neko, a short story by Bruce Sterling.

If you’re honest with yourself, you know you always thought it happened exactly like this

excellent blogs:

• Letters of Note, “Correspondence deserving of a wider audience”; example: So it goes (Kurt Vonnegut Jr writes to Sr on the occasion of surviving the firebombing of Dresden).
• Contrariwise, “Literary Tattoos”; example: “I shall not live in vain”,  “hope is the thing with feathers”
• My Parents Were Awesome

And tonight’s nightmare menu, featuring:

• Creepy yoga dude with rasta rooster
• AAAAAHHHHHHHH

It’s the return of the giant link-list email newsletter thing, now consolidated into a blog post for yourmy convenience. Would anyone be interested in an occasional mix-CD?

Bacon. A food so delicious that the bible forbids it. Sin with me: bacon cupcakes, Mike Nelson of Mystery Science Theater 3000 commits suicide by bacon, bacon explosion, get that bacon out of your teeth with bacon floss, chocolate bacon and the coup de bacon, candied bacon ice cream

File under “and people say I’m hard to shop for”: happy vagina t-shirts, aquarium toilet, check out the speakers on her, vagina perfume

File under “like goldy, but with iron”: Catholic church needs to read the bible more, apparently

Questions are a burden to others, answers a prison for oneself: http://www.cliqueclack.com/tv/2009/01/07/the-prisoner-is-free-and-online/

Science! It works, bitches! : Tattoo changes color with glucose levels.

Rob wants to give you a high five!

So…about that salmonella peanut butter: bird shit.

Freebase caffeine

There are no words for Starfish hitler

Science makes a mermaid.

So the email thing I send out got two bounce-backs from AOL users (you know who you are). So I have decided to skip the emails and just put this shit up on a blog. Enjoy — or don’t, whatever. If you would like to see the other “mails” that I sent out (which they no longer are, I guess) and don’t want to go through your email, click on the “email newsletter thing” tag on the right hand side and that’ll take you to the other posts that I have labeled as such.

If you would still rather be emailed, let me know and I’ll set something automagic up for you or something enter your email address in the lower-right hand box for that sorta thing. It’s run by feedburner and I do not keep (or know) your email address, so I won’t be able to use it for anything.

The 6 Most Terrifying Foods in the World: http://www.cracked.com/article_14979_6-most-terrifying-foods-in-world.html
Seriously, it’s horrifying.

BEERTASTROPHE
http://www.flickr.com/photo_zoom.gne?id=2151717824&size=l

MightyMon found this and I will forever be thankful: http://www.japanesebugfights.com/

deep fried things that ought not to be deep fried: http://www.mirkocredito.com/FRITTURE2007/index.htm

porn on blu-ray signals the coffin nails for HD-DVD: http://www.t3.com/news/blu-ray-porn?=35064 — this is actually more prevalent than most people realize; the porn industry informally choosing VHS over BETAMAX is what signaled the death-knell for Beta, really. And it was the invention of online porn that led to the “common man” deeper into the interwebaolnetnet. Porn and tech advances go hand in hand, no matter how old the tech is.

I will give a special surprise gift to anyone who actually prints this out and sends me a picture of them wearing it: http://www.brandonbird.com/halloween_treat.html

Today’s cockle-warming story is not so much about heart-warming but actually about boob-cooling: http://loudounextra.washingtonpost.com/news/2008/jan/10/how-frozen-peas-started-movement/

I usually get my way by being the most patient motherfucker in the world, and if that doesn’t work then I am more of a prick, but I suppose this could be a useful way of dealing with annoying customer service: http://consumerist.com/341815/how-to-mind-control-customer-service-reps?source=rss

Lord of the Rings, if Tolkien had been diabetic: http://missedmanners.wordpress.com/2008/01/03/battle-of-pelennor-fields/

A game popular for centuries. http://www.exsorbeo.com/

sacrilicious! http://www.adultswim.com/games/biblefight/index.html

fuck you for shitting on the constitution you fucking fuck: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/27/washington/27cnd-gonzales.html

actually kind of catchy http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1765963

not what you think: http://www.cooterfestival.com/

http://www.guinness.com/a/img/craic/downloads/wallpaper/1024×768/dreamclubSq1024.jpg

minotaur having a breakdown in a public bathroom: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TssuSYrxVI very creepy and yet full of pathos. Also, hey, Einsturzende Neubaten that has melody, instead of dudes hitting shopping carts with rebar.

Some friends of mine recently won an award for a film they put together for MOCA (Museum of Contemporary Art, for you philistines). See the very short film at http://uvu.channel2.org/PublicSite/Video.aspx?id=805&skin=5

An idea whose time has come: Wiki Cookbooks http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Cookbook:Table_of_Contents admittedly, not as good as abuelita’s cooking, but hey, something’s better than nothing.

I know it makes me a bad person, but I can’t help but laugh at http://www.10dailythings.com/2007/08/15/guinea-pigs-fighting-for-a-cucumber/

…and the moral of the story is: don’t get bare with bears with beer. http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/08/20/bear.death.reut/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

if you’re any kind of artist or creative person, you should see the potential in this: http://www.tdbspecialprojects.com/

Here is a picture of a tiger feeding piglets. I am attaching it specifically for Silvia, because I said I would. I don’t remember why, but well, there it is.

I don’t know, but it looks freaky: http://defamer.com/hollywood/psychedelic-hobbits/elijah-wood-and-friends-happy-to-inform-you-the-drugs-are-working-291475.php

make your own non-newtownian fluid: http://www.gogglemarks.net/index.php?action=project&id=4
…wait, you don’t know what a non-newtownian fluid is? see http://youtube.com/watch?v=f2XQ97XHjVw or http://youtube.com/watch?v=lDzampa3xrc or creepiest of all: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WTCkVh9CWT8

origami for asthmatic kids: http://www.changemakers.net/en-us/node/1389

You may have seen it already, but god, it just hurts to watch someone be this stupid in public: “Well I believe that US Americans can’t, um, do that, find America on a map, because, I believe, some people don’t have maps, and, our education, like South Africa – and countries in Asia – we should help them. South Africa and those Asian countries, we should help educate them.” — Miss Teen USA 2007, South Carolina http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQdhMSEqhfg

You are getting this random assortment of links for entertainment purposes. And to waste time with at work. Consider it anti-spam, or the obverse of those links your interwebaolnet-unsavvy friend sends you (you know, “OMG CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY WANT TO TAX TEH WEB?!?” or “HERE’S A CHAIN LETTER THAT SAYS YOUR GENITALS WILL FALL OFF IF YOU DON’T PASS IT ALONG”). If this email bothers you, um….tell me and I won’t send you any more. Or just delete it. Whatever.

The sad part is that they really live for the tango: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070615/ap_on_re_eu/bulgaria_dancing_bears_2

Man, Disney’s really stretching the copyright on Mickey….http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2007/06/15/mickey_arc.html?category=archaeology&guid=20070615090000&dcitc=w19-502-ak-0000

I know I sent this out before, but it’s still funny, and who doesn’t love smoking horses? http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2457332

Well, as long as we’re talking smoking horses, let’s talk about eating dinosaurs: http://news.wired.com/dynamic/stories/C/CHINA_DINOSAUR_MEDICINE?SITE=WIRE&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

I have of late been fascinated by Nikola Tesla. Among other things, he liked electricity enough to invent the alternating current. And the Tesla Coil, which even if you don’t know what that is, you’ve seen in countless shitty horror movies. See a musical tesla coil: http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=23904 Speaking of weirdo scientists, isaac newton: genius or religious crank? http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/06/18/newton.papers.ap/index.html?eref=rss_topstories on the one hand, the man invented calculus and just by thinking, explained the basic language of nature and the universe. on the other hand, he once put a sewing needle between his eyeball and his skull and moved it around a lot, just to see what would happen (he was experimenting with the effect that distortion of the ocular globe would have on vision, but still). This would be after he spent three days in a black room for having stared at the sun for a hour. Again, just to see what would happen.

Bubba nosferatu and the curse of the she-vampires is being made: http://imdb.com/title/tt0457295/ This is a prequel to the movie “Bubba Ho-Tep”. Brief summary of Bubba Hotep: The real Elvis gets tired of the hoopla about being The King. So he (The real Elvis Aaron Presley,) hires an Elvis impersonator to play him and he goes and does Elvis tribute shows, getting to “rock out” without being mobbed for being Elvis. Except the next week his impersonator is the dude who dies on the toilet. And the real Elvis continues his merry life of “playing” Elvis and getting to be a musician. Except he falls off a stage and hits his head and winds up in a coma. For 20 years. When he wakes up, he’s in a nursing home sharing a room with a black dude who says he’s John F. Kennedy — the CIA gave him a brain transplant into a black guy so no one’d believe him, and packed the missing brain area with sand. Circumstances being what they are, a mummy ends up loose in the nursing home, stalking the old people (which makes sense, where else could a mummy pose a threat? Mummies stumble slowly, but it’s not like old people can run fast.) ANYWAY, Bubba Nosferatu and the Curse of the She-Vampires is a prequel, wherein Elvis fights vampires. Did I mention that Bruce Campbell plays Elvis? Cos he does: http://www.imdb.com/gallery/granitz/1494/Events/1494/BruceCampb_Vespa_609180_400.jpg?path=gallery&path_key=0281686

http://marriedtothesea.com/ is a web-comic made of old pictures from woodcuts etc. It’s great. I am very fond of http://www.marriedtothesea.com/051606/nutz.gif but they’re all pretty funny.

I have trouble sleeping sometimes….if you do too, you might like: http://ririanproject.com/2007/06/21/how-to-sleep-more-effectively-starting-tonight/

HIV taken out of live cells: http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?articleID=737AB56E-E7F2-99DF-382B756D1860EACA&chanID=sa003 as in, the cells were infected, then they snipped the HIV outta the cells. Whoa. Wait until they cure HIV/AIDS. Mark my words: there will be fucking in the streets.

phernomones cause brain cell growth: http://www.cbc.ca/canada/calgary/story/2007/07/02/cal-pheromones.html?ref=rss So the next time your certain someone acts stupid, get ‘em to smell your sweat. Sometimes the jokes just write themselves, folks.

Household tips: http://www.power-yoga.com/Community/KitchenTips/tabid/159/mid/520/dnnprintmode/true/Default.aspx

hey, new list for the wonders of the modern world: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070705/ap_on_re_eu/new_seven_wonders_glance_1 (cos the 7 wonders of the ancient world mostly don’t exist anymore. except the pyramids at giza and it’s not like they’re in that good shape…)

The discovery of molecular receptors totally revolutionized medicine; it’s made it possible to “aim” a particular drug at a particular cell-type’s receptors and be reasonably sure you’re going to affect that cell type and not the whole body. (aside: if you don’t think this is close to magic, consider that the other option is to basically hit a mosquito with a cannon. c.f. treating cancer with radiation and chemotherapy.) So it’s good news that a new type snail venom (no, I’m not kidding,) has been found that does very specific targeting: http://science.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=07/07/14/1654244 But that’s not why I’m writing all of this shit down. No no no no no no. I’m telling you all this just so that I can link you to a very short video clip of one of these snails attacking, stunning and eating a fish: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2213559523134687406&q=cone+snail&total=35&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=5

last link for the hypochondriacs in da house: http://symptoms.webmd.com/symptomchecker

Seriously, HOLY FUCKING SHIT: http://maps.google.com/help/maps/streetview/index.html Man, I don’t know if the google dorks are geniuses or psychos, but that’s firmly in both lands. Check out the South Beach one. A geek-news site has discussion on the privacy aspects of it: http://yro.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=07/06/01/1219256&from=rss

So THAT’s what I’ve been doing wrong: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18914479/?GT1=9951

Laugh, it’s good for you: http://picks.yahoo.com/picks/i/20070531.html

Clothing. Made of condoms. http://pileofphotos.com/view/78/Clothes_made_of_condoms

Politically, I’m not so much FOR the democratic party as I am AGAINST the republican party. In that spirit, please read Matt Taibi’s latest article, which is a FUCK YOU to both democratic and republican parties: http://www.alternet.org/columnists/story/51687/

Jesus Christ Supershark: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=10470057

I am a prankster. I appreciate the art behind it. I have to rein that in though, because I tend to just go straight for OH MY FUCKING GOD levels of revenge. But let’s witness someone else’s prank: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9Xw_b3HeUY ah, butter on the floor. a true classic. simple and cheap.

Who knows, this shit might come in handy one day: http://www.thehumanaught.com/blog/2006/07/09/how-to-spot-a-jap/

I am seriously considering going to Wisconsin JUST to see this: http://www.roadsideamerica.com/attract/WIBARforever.html

Hey, yeah, memorial day, right: http://www.chattanoogan.com/articles/article_108083.asp Personally, my old man was in Vietnam, and he threatened to lock me in a loony bin if I ever joined the Armed Forces. Hey, who am I to disagree?

TETRIS ice cubes: http://www.instructables.com/id/EFGVY0RF22FIBN6/?ALLSTEPS

Make your own Pinocchio: http://puppetbuilding.com/marionettes/how-to-make-a-pinocchio-marionette.html

Pictures on your wrist: http://www.instructables.com/id/E5E87VOF2AX8PNT/?ALLSTEPS

Hey, that’s a neat sculpture: http://cre.ations.net/creation/stuff-i-do

Wow, chili sauce: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18948833?GT1=9951

DIE, YOU FUCKING FUCK http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070531/ap_on_hi_te/spam_arrest_10

And to finish, first an explanation of LOLCAT from the venerable WikiPedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lolcats
and now that you know what LOLCAT is, please to be enjoying the LOLCAT site du jour: http://icanhascheezburger.com/

15 reasons Mr Rogers rocked: http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/5943

spidercat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rA97bT8WMSs&

hey, don’t get lost: http://strangemaps.wordpress.com/

I started a new job. Which is cool. So I have a new phone, but my phone number is the same. Except my voicemail’s a bit FUBAR’d at the moment. So if you call and you get someone else’s voice asking you to leave a message…don’t worry about it, it’s still my phone. Also, I can’t check my voicemail, so uh….I’ll call you back. Or you can email me, I’m usually pretty good about answering my email.

Jesus WEPT: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-k98bRUOb4g …I cannot explain this, except to say that clearly these kids have perhaps had sex described to them and this is how their sad, broken minds were able to understand it. They’ve obvously never actually had sex. Or talked to women. Please watch it until the end so that you can see the end credits. I’m not kidding about that either.

Epic: http://www.yonkis.com/w.php?id=234200712145.jpg woman gives birth to two girls of different colors: http://www.hoax-slayer.com/black-white-twins.html

title says it all: http://www.filedorm.com/show.php/510_CaughtOnFilmExplainthistoyourboss.wmv.html

The use of the word boner to mean “mistake” isn’t very common anymore, which totally makes this hysterical: http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2007/03/top_15_unintent.html

David Bowie has the best birthday parties — to wit: Bjork playing live at his birthday party. Backed by a harp. With a choir. And a guy shuffling cards providing rhythm. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tv6rzhZ83rk

I mentioned Kurt Vonnegut’s passing and was asked why he was so great. I give you proof: http://www.avclub.com/content/node/60935/1

Hey, Dave, enough with the seriousness, give us lighthearted and cheerful news, right? http://bradhicks.livejournal.com/334314.html I’ll give you a teaser:

“Republicans, and their right-wing Democrat fellow travelers, have been telling
us since even before Reagan that we need to eliminate expensive and “wasteful”
regulations that are crippling our businesses’ productivity, that if we
deregulated our industries back to where they were before the Progressive Era,
they’d be making enough money to be able to afford more people. That, my
friends, is a total load of crap. And if you want a really vivid example of why
those regulations were all put in place, then I suggest that you hop a flight
down to Panama, and other places in the world, and start helping the families
down there count the bodies that died from one shipment of tainted merchandise
from China. They’ve already passed the 100 mark, and have all but given up on
finding all of them. And while you’re helping them tally up all of the dead
children, consider this: it is only by insanely good luck that a couple of dozen
or a couple of hundred of those dead kids weren’t here in the US. What, you
thought that poison showing up in adulterated products mis-labeled as food was
limited to coal byproducts in animal feed? You wish. It also turns out that
around the same time, China was allowing chemical companies to mislabel ethylene
glycol as better-than-food-grade 99.5% pure glycerin. That glycerin was sold to
manufacturers of cough syrup in the US and Latin America. In America, one
chemist at the buyer had an odd feeling about the glycerin they’d just bought
and decided, with no law making him do so and no management order to do so, to
double-check the purity. That he found that it was just as pure as it said, but
pure poison not pure medical-grade glycerin, is the only reason we didn’t have
as many dead kids as we now have dead pets.”

a classic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSJck7ezGAo

spider bites give erections: http://blog.wired.com/wiredscience/2007/05/viagras_upcomin.html (also, the spider is totally throwing up the horns. it’s a totally FUCKIN’ METAL SPIDER)

you shouldn’t go crazy just cos someone says you’re going to die: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070507/od_nm/britain_spree_odd_dc_1

the best children’s book ever: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2457332 no, i’m not fucking with you, that really IS a REAL book: http://www.amazon.com/Latawnya-Naughty-Horse-Learns-Drugs/dp/0533091020/ Hmmm…I have friends who just had kids, I wonder if that would make a good gift.

wanna play a game? http://philip.greenspun.com/dating/index.tcl

If you know who Phillip K. Dick is, you might be interested in: http://www.mtvmoviesblog.com/2007/05/17/bill-pullman-is-kind-of-but-not-really-philip-k-dick/ (if you don’t know who PKD is, fix that.)

grindhouse (excellent movie, btw,) is not just a title of a movie, but a style unto itself. like say, gonzo journalism, but about horror and shock etc. So check out movie posters for movies you know and love but done grindhouse style: http://www.somethingawful.com/d/photoshop-phriday/grindhouse-movies.php?page=1

hey, speaking of gore: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070517/ap_on_re_us/internal_decapitation;_ylt=Ala1lKvugwgqSODmZxVjIeAEtbAF

and perhaps not unrelated, there’s a pill that’s gonna make periods go away for ever: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18745930/

xoxo,

I hurt my back so I’m bored. Which means you get an email full of weird stuff.

ok, so you may or may not have seen michel gondry’s “the science of sleep” (i haven’t, but i hear it’s good. i recommend the “director’s series” compilation DVD though.) but he’s done a bunch of music videos that are really bizarre and imaginative (bjork, beck, etc — to give you a taste, here’s a Cibo Matto vid: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPJ9TS_5tAo ). the man’s a visual poet of very high caliber, just take my word for it. but that’s not why i bring Michel Gondry up. I bring him up for cheap comedy; to wit:

see michel gondry solve a rubik’s cube with his feet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiQXgmVVGNA

ok, but where’s the art in that? here’s how he did it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaVsaWjzsds

and then again, here’s michel gondry solving a rubik’s cube WITH HIS NOSE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB8XedMowDU

really really great for decorating an office: http://www.blockposters.com/(upload a picture, tell it how many pages wide and viola, printable poster)

genius, but you know it’s gonna suck when you’re juuuuuust running out: http://www.gizmag.com/go/6534/

the empire doesn’t pay like it used to: http://www.cinematical.com/2007/03/03/darth-vader-commits-armed-robbery-in-north-carolina

also really great (but weird) art: http://www.funforever.net/archives/category/cool/

I can’t stop listening to this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_xVDaDJqWs — no wait i meant http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-K4CXvxNcw

Godspeed! You Black Emperor’s “The Dead Flag Blues” in video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cS2BrxcWWZA (cf GYBE! live: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUQEJpLm2DA “world police / friendly fire”)

am forgetful. i seriously have not spoken to people for months because i just forget to call them back. http://www.hassleme.co.uk/ might help you if you’re like me.

a cellphone that biodegrades and sprouts flowers: http://www.24hourmuseum.org.uk/nwh_gfx_en/ART35325.html

sleep, it’s good for your brain: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/technology/technology.html?in_article_id=437683&in_page_id=1965http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2007-02/uoa-oit022307.phpin other news, the sky is blue, water is wet, pope is still catholic and 99% of bears still shit in the woods.

lego, for when you’re just too damn lazy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTsXlTKaFq0