dream 13dec08


there’s a house, concrete and a bit of grass i am outside between the house and the fence of the next house and there’s a bike chase and a car chase through what feels like the old church on westward or maybe the police station in VG and then there’s a diff house or diff aspect of same house feels dark dry kind of shack-like with rickety stairs etc and i leave and things happen i don’t remember now but walking down sidewalk on westward and suddenly b is there or mentioned and suddenly part pf the group we’re in? and she’s married or marrying this guy whose name is john buttersbtu (even in the dream i’m like “wtf is up with that name is it an anagram?” and i am fucking racking my brain going “what’s wrong with that name dammit”) and at some point with very minimal speaking i communicate w/ her that she’s not actually on my shit list anymore and we’re not buddy-buddy but at least the mood lightens in the dream and we all walk into a restaurant (or it could be Scoops the icecream joint) — doesn’t matter, we don’t order or eat or anything, all these places are just scenery mostly — and she tells me she’s been sick and i say yes i heard about the heart she says no no like throwing up and upset stomach sick all day and i say well shit maybe you have morning pregnancy i mean morning sickness (even in the dream i am a clutz and prone to spoonerisms) and cut to i am back at the shack but outside and leading to a different adjoining house whose interior feels japanese in it’s sparseness, but american in deisgn if that makes sense and there’s like an art show but filled to the brim with weapons and this feels coincidental until midgets (they look like children, but they are so not children) start a takeover coup thing and we’re just fucking running and it’s me, vij and two other dudes and we’re on foot and then acquire an suv and they drop me in my neighborhood and i’m walking the three blocks to my place when i notice i am by b’s house (i am standing by mailbox, letters say ‘john buttersbtu’ and ‘elizabeth buttersbtu’) and i am kinda weirded out that they live like 2 blocks from me and i think of our kids playing together AND THEN CUT straight back to the shop and she steps out and comes back w/ an ept and shaking her head ‘no’ and i say ‘well it usually takes like 6 weeks to even be able to tell on one of those, but they are like 99.999 accurate’ and she is both sad and relieved and i am a blank slate nothing showing and cut back to chase scene and i am sneaking into the shack so the evil pigmy midget kids don’t know i’m on to them or clue in to me being armed to the teeth and intent on fucking up their day and i am halfway up the shack house stairs (the whole house is basically room and then stairs-to-next-room, structurally unsound but securitywise easy to defend) and their plot can be unravelled by basically going to the last room and knocking out this transmitter thing and i am halfway through when they catch on and i’m in a room with just a couple of old people and i know the rest of the way is clear i just want to keep the position from being taken and i am by the door keeping them out and the old woman is offering me sweets from a bag and all i have to do is keep the door closed and those dudes are fucked no way in and i wake up

seriously if you know what this dream is about, help a brother out. perhaps influence of the full moon.

The thing you sell yourself


My friends, my family, I me mine. they are all stuck in love. :/

it’s late. i will go to sleep soon, but i am lucky. and i have reason for sadness and guilt and laughter and happiness. I can’t really explain it without giving too much away. And there’s some of the sadness.

Wrote some songs, writing some fiction, making some plans and now Summer coming to a close, sun’s gone, mills’ too in a different way, mei-mei and tai-tai too although we’re in town (but you can’t force someone to be friends, so…). I am perhaps just unlikeable.

January comes too slow and too soon both at once.

Categories : cryptic  state of the dave

who’s that shouting? by and by…


Another year coming around. I find myself re-evaluating all the shit, good and bad, come my way. I’m doing OK, I guess. There are some causes for sadness, but overall, I can’t complain too hard, really. I enjoy my new job, and despite the death of Vic (or maybe because of?) I am learning more and doing different things, which is something I wanted when I left the old joint. Had Indian for lunch earlier with the dudes from Ye Olde Jobbe and they are in misery full-force. Which sucks. That whole environment is like a kid trying too hard; they want to be a business/enterprise instead of educational/medical — or maybe they think they should be? — and they’re just stressing the wrong things. Be a hardass about what you expect, don’t be a hardass about vanity or chain of command or other bullshit pipe dreams about how to show that the proverbial dick is bigger than the other dudes’. On the bright side, in about 5 to 10 years time, it’s going to be SUCH a premier environment (reputation-wise, for their care and tech etc…workwise, meh…too soon to say and things are too fast-moving to be able to pin down.) Relationship stuff’s worked out, really. Interpersonal drama-llama visits have been avoided. Old friends come back, Eden’s back and I will hopefully soonish find myself making some music with Bunny. I find myself thinking of Cass, wondering if she’s doing OK. My phone calls and emails to her are infrequent and I think awkward for her. I’m hoping this is why she doesn’t reply to emails. I switched back to winamp for playing music (itunes for the ipod still, but winamp is still awesomer) and the queen cover comes up at the oddest fucking moments. Still, she was awesome and that was aside from having the most amazing tits ever. Skeeter’s still pissed at me, but since she won’t answer or pick up, I just leave “wishing you the best” messages every 6 months or so. Mils is here today and gone tomorrow, back with the ex she always will have a spot for, which is kinda good, really. Sun’s comin’ from the tx, and i will be going to tx come august and maybe san fran or canada in the winter? I dunno. The old man’s gonna have multiple surgeries done at once but is putting it off until my sister gives birth, I guess in case he dies. I try not to think about it. Maybe let the vacousness of television numb it down; dr who greys anatomy dexter futurama cooking shows. Some days it’s just so much and some days you just relish in jumping into the fray, you know?

in which


in which Sterling provides an apt summary:
“I consider it my personal Vietnam. If I had gone in and struck hard and fast and all in one go, none of that shit would have gone down. But because I didn’t, because I took it slow, I sabotaged myself. And I think it was because [removed].”
“…So you consider it all your fault?”
“And none of it would have happened and [removed] would still be friends with [removed].”
“That’s what I’m saying.”
“Wow, that’s a lot of guilt.”

in which Laura considers the possibility that there may be a better way to handle situations
Laura: so, he is right. we do need more time. though i think he went about it totally wrong. but, i do realize he doesnt have the emotional capability/tact that i hhave 😛
(erm, maybe i dont always hav tact)
David: like when you laughed at [laura’s ex-boyfriend]’s naked erection?
Laura: yes 🙁
David: some people might say that was …. less than fully tactful

in which Little Trouble Girl summarizes her complex love life:

“So I’m going to see my husband in the hospital, but I stopped by to have lunch with my boyfriend — that I’m not having sex with because he’s married — to tell him about how I didn’t get laid last night with my coworker/crush because he couldn’t get it hard despite a long blowjob and to complain about how my fuckbuddy just left for [unnamed country] which is good because we might be developing feelings for each other. Which would be bad.”

in which i make an ass of myself at a party:
“dude i was in college when you were still sucking your momma’s dick!”
“you know my mom’s dead, right?”